The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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