Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
