I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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