drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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