my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
