blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
