So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
