you traded sex for a burrito?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Randomize
