Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
