4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
