I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
