The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
