im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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