im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
