I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
