he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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