Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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