My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Everything about him screamed your future.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
