i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
