New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
