My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
