Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
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