it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
