if only i could text you this smell
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
