Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
