Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I got inside last night via doggy door
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
