Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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