I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
