and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
