My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I hope mine doesn't look like that
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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