your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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