you would pick up someone in the library
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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