perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
