I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
