Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
