Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
