we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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