I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
