She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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