The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
