Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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