Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she looked like the before picture.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
