wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
