love makes seman taste better
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Randomize
