just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
