my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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