my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She's the barista slut.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
They have beer where we have blood.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
