They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize