Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
