1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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