In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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