she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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