I just threw up on my dentist
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
