erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
