NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
