3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
