Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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