I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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