She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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