dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
