how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
