Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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