Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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