My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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