Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Randomize
