youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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