I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
