oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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