My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
