i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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